Wise quote.

"Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Don McLean, "Vincent"

freedom is my slavery

silver swings

got me in a medical mood

moving the mercury between

lifeless and cold

when i come riding the bull

full of self-loathing

like the boy on the poster

welcome to back to earth

you lovely assassins

gives us an illusion of wealth

on the mental health

rollercoaster

unabashed,

you had

a placid kind of clarity

to say I was mad

but this come-and-go lucidity

it's all that i have

unlucky things

reduced to infirmity

and impotency

to say no one does anything

worthwhile after thirty

well thirty seems ages ago

there's no leftovers

no supernovas

for you to scavenge, or to savage

that was a long time back

and they don't make people

like us anymore

you had

a funny kind of charity

to say I'd gone mad

but this come-and-go lucidity

is all that i have

it's all that i have

all that i have

all that i have

all that i have

it's all that i have

From deep in the archives... "Happy Lovers United" (Morrissey, 1988)

Happy Lovers United

Happy lovers

Back together

Oh, and I do feel proud

Happy lovers reunited

Oh, and I do feel proud now

I'm not the type to boast, as you know 

Though it was me who brought them back together 

He is so kind, and she is so clever 

But they don't want me now 

Hanging around

Happy lovers, at last 

At last united 

Happy lovers, at last 

United

I rang to her to explain 

Of how he really wants to see you again 

I said more or less the same thing to him too 

Which wasn't true 

And now they walk hand in hand

All is planned with the silent glimpse 

I believe that only lovers share 

And I'm proud to have done something good

For once in my life


***

Another rare song: "Lifeguard On Duty"

The Smiths - 1986 - "Never Had No One Ever" (w/lyrics)

Roger Federer at 2010 US Open

You can hear John McEnroe doing color commentary actually call it too before it happens. I've done this shot in both tennis and table tennis for winners, but of course, not in front of a few thousand fans and on television, etc. I've also missed it quite a few times...



Amazing!

As good as The Smiths' albums are, I think they were even better live...

I never did see them in person (to my dismay), but when I hear recordings like this is makes me think it would have been an amazing experience.



My favorite bands to have seen "original and complete" would have to be:
The Beatles
The Smiths
Pink Floyd
Joy Division
The Doors

Either because they broke up and then someone up and died, or because they will never get back together and I'll never have that live experience, no matter how many old films I watch.

Then there are artists like Nick Drake and Dan Fogelberg who aren't "bands" - just solo performers I never saw and would have loved to :-|

What about you? Which bands do you regret either being too young to see live or just missed your chance and kick yourself now about it?

Music: "Journal of a Disappointed Man" by Piano Magic. Film: "Dead Man" by Jim Jarmusch.

Just a reminder...

Art is just art, and I consider this an "art" blog. Whether that art is any good or not is up to the reader to decide.... But as art, it's a bit more complex than a straightforward "confessional" blog, which is like someone's diary or journal slapped right up onto the Internet. Mine's not like that - there is a layer of abstraction there.

Here I express myself directly sometimes, indirectly at others. Sometimes I use satire or sarcasm, sometimes I'm deadly serious. But don't trust what's here in the sense that it's a verbatim transcript of how I'm feeling right then. I do often write confessionally and that abstraction all but disappears, but not always. And sometimes poems are from weeks or months or years prior to when I post them, or songs or pictures just find there way onto a post because I've been meaning to get them on there for quite some time and was waiting for the right time. But it doesn't necessarily have significance for that day.

The reason I'm saying all this is that much of what I post is pretty dark, though some of it's not, some is cute or funny or just music videos and other random things (which still have value; they all ultimately say something about me, since I chose to post them, after all). But the point is, if I go on a spree of posting Joy Division lyrics or my own darker poems and some bleak pictures one day or over several days, I may be expressing that to get it out of me, or just as an admiration of how art can be both dark and beautiful, or for one of many reasons—but it doesn't mean I'm going to jump off a bridge that night.

I know people worry about me and frankly, so do I sometimes. It's no secret I have pretty severe depression and anxiety, and that's something I'm not ashamed to say straight out (because it's not my fault, it's chemical and maybe psychological, but doesn't mean I'm possessed by devils or anything stupid that people used to think). However, it's certainly no damn fun nor is it glamorous in any way. It's awful, and I'm working behind the scenes so to speak (in my non-blogging life) to get "better" somehow and to steer a course into more pleasant pastures. But that struggle is semi-independent of this blog.

That is, while what I post may reflect how I'm feeling (and it often does—I won't pretend otherwise), it doesn't always, and one definitely shouldn't infer anything from the posts on this blog in and of themselves. This is my little sandbox to play in and dump words, images, and music into. If I need someone to talk to I will email or IM my best friends or parents, and if it's worse than that I will seek professional help. Here, on this blog though, I want the freedom to express any emotion, even the most negative or hopeless, without worrying everyone I know.

So... just wanted to clear that up. Thanks for reading, and as always I sincerely appreciate everyone who takes the time to visit, no matter if I'm happy, sad, or somewhere in the middle. Life's always better with friends, and I care about you all and thank you for making my life a little better each time we chat or you stop by to leave a comment. I'd hate to lose that - feedback is something I always enjoy.

~Justin~

DCD : from the LP "Spiritchaser"

Lothlórien is as a paradise, spied only in dreams, felt only in that grey place where reality turns to shadow, and to magic...

Here is a fan's recitation of Galadriel's Lament, a lay (poem/song) spoken by Galadriel and whose complete text is laid out in the Lord of the Rings. This is remarkable for a few reasons:

First of all, Cate Blanchett apparently recited the entire lay but her performance later ended up on the cutting room floor, even in the extended editions, due to time constraints. Too bad :(

Secondly, as the character of Galadriel is one of the Noldor, or elder elves (unlike, say Legolas, who though a prince, is but a wood elf), she recites her lament in Quenya, an older and grander precursor to the Sindarin tongue often heard spoken by Arwen, Aragorn, Elrond, and other elves and learned beings in the movie (and book). In fact it is one of only a handful of full recitations in Quenya in all of of Tolkien's writings, published and unpublished.

Ok, the fan's recitation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUtgoEr7Fn8

And JRR Tolkien's itself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6de_SbVUVfA

For those who must know everything... Tengwar script, Latinate script, and English translation: http://www.tp.umu.se/~mana/piero/namaarie.php

And just a bit about Lothlórien in general... http://www.tuckborough.net/lothlorien.html

My "moniker" of sorts... in some games and areas of cyber-life... is Lórien or Irmo, one of the Valar. This is only peripherally related to Lothlórien and its inhabitants, but I thought I'd mention it... My "wife" therefore would be Estë, and it is said of 'me'...

"Irmo, Lord of Dreams and Visions, is one of the Fëanturi, and as such he wields no hammer like Aulë, no spear like Oromë, for his dominion is the souls of those that dwell in Ëa. Unlike his brother Nàmo he does not pass judgement on the disembodied spirits in Arda nor does he offer prophecies or words of Fate.

His pastures are solace, his house is peace; and the groves of Lórien where Valar and Maiar, and Iluvatar’s Firstborn go to ease the burden of Arda, are dreamlike in their harmony.

    By the trees and flowers in the gardens of Dream and Vision, Melian lifted her voice and enchanted both Ainur and Quendi, touching their hearts with the wonder of her song.

    Irmo’s name does not appear in the tales of Arda and the Eldar do not mention him in song, for he does not work in the open - his power is unseen and his influence is subtle even to the Wise. Yet if one wishes to understand the ways of the serene Dreamlord, they are reflected through Olórin (also known as Gandalf, ed.), wisest of all Maiar, who dwelled in Irmo’s abode. For he was sent forth from Lórien to lift the hearts of the Free Peoples in Arda and to convey Wisdom and Compassion and most importantly, Hope.

    Also Lothlórien, the fabled home of Celeborn and Galadriel in Middle-Earth thrived and (by its beauty) paid homage to the original home of Irmo.

    Seek not Irmo in scenes of strife, or woe where conflict or physical power prevail. Seek him in Inspiration, in Desire, in Hope, and in the heart of the slumbering Hero before his day of great deeds..."

Therefore it is unsurprising that my moniker or avatar in nearly other game or online group is Mithrandir, Gandalf, Olórin, or other names of Irmo's vassal. Besides Meta(matician), Mith(randir) is my most commonly used name online, any many virtual friends know me primarily or only by this name.

Don't forget my musical friends below... they shaped my life.

Even if you have different taste in music than I do, broaden your mind before you judge. I'm always rediscovering bands I wrote off as an arrogant youngster, feeling they had nothing to say. But how wrong I was, in so many cases.

To those older than I, the harsher or darker sound than the music you "grew up with" is just how it had to be in context. There was a Cold War, recessions, riots, pessimism, a general revulsion by the minority toward the growing laissez-fair of a materialist majority. There needed to be passion in the music to wake up huge nations of people doped out on Western success and Disco oblivion. Harsh, angsty bands - punk, grunge - needed to happen or we'd all be living in some Aldous Huxley reality taking our Soma every day. It doesn't invalidate the great bands of the past, it adds to them, just for a different crowd and in a different time.

To those younger than I, a lot of music today sucks and you don't even know it, but then that has always been the case. Don't go for fads unless you just don't care, which to me seems the saddest philosophy of all. If that's true, listen to fucking country music or something else to pass your empty years. Otherwise, recognize how great artists set the stage for the artists of today, and why there is a reason almost all bands worth anything cite the same small set of bands as seminal influences growing up. I won't even list them because by now you know my tastes.

Don't take art - or life, which art reflects in its sometimes capricious mirror - for granted. And think for yourself. And care.

New Order. "True Faith"

New Order. "Leave Me Alone" (Sumner, Hooke)

Clash - Cover of "I Fought The Law" (original by Curtis and the Crickets)

"Ghetto Defendant" (Strummer, Jones, Simonon, ft. Allen Ginsburg)

"Straight to Hell" (Stummer/Jones)

Straight to Hell.

If you can play on the fiddle

How's about a British jig and reel?

Speaking King's English in quotations

As railhead towns feel the steel mills rust

Water froze

In the generation

Clear as winter ice

This is your paradise

There ain't no need for ya

Go straight to hell boys

Y'wanna join in a chorus

Of the Amerasian blues?

When it's Christmas out in Ho Chi Minh City

Kiddie say papa papa papa papa-san take me home

See me got photo photo

Photograph of you

Mamma Mamma Mamma-san

Of you and Mamma Mamma Mamma-san.

Lemme tell ya 'bout your blood bamboo kid-

It ain't Coca-Cola, it's rice.

Straight to hell

Oh Papa-san

Please take me home

Oh Papa-san

Everybody they wanna go home

So Mamma-san says

You wanna play mind-crazed banjo

On the druggy-drag ragtime U.S.A.?

In Parkland International

Hah! Junkiedom U.S.A.

Where procaine proves the purest rock man groove

and rat poison

The volatile Molatov says-

Straight to hell

Can you cough it up loud and strong?

The immigrants

They wanna sing all night long

It could be anywhere

Most likely could be any frontier

Any hemisphere

In no-man's land

There ain't no asylum here

King Solomon he never lived round here

Go straight to hell boys

Amateur video for "This Boy" - quite good!

This cracks me up. I watch scallop videos at least once a year just for a laugh.

Desert island discs, meta-plane style.

In Britain they have a radio show called Desert Island Discs in which guests are asked which 8 'discs' (originally Gramophone) they would want with them were they to be stranded on an island (for a long time, it's implied). I think that means individual songs or pieces of classical music (the show has been running for ages). But I'm going to update it slightly to entire albums, but cut the number back to 5. So.... which 5 would YOU choose? Let's say they're on an iPod which never runs out of power and with the best headphones or speakers ever, which never wear out. You get the idea.

Think carefully... you should pick albums that hold up well over countless listenings, maybe a variety amongst the five in the type of music, and albums which are strong throughout and don't have bum tracks (or hardly a one). That may be a slightly different list than "My all time top 5 favorite albums."

Also - the show is quite quirky - you are given the complete works of Shakespeare and the Bible (or appropriate religious text, if you desire one) for some reason, and get to select one more book to take with. I think this is unduly harsh, so I'll broaden it to 5 books as well, though you'll have to use those 5 choices on your own mix of fiction/nonfiction. Let's also update their Shakespeare gift and allow you unfettered access to the Oxford English Dictionary, a constantly up-to-date set of encyclopedias (something like Wikipedia in a set of bound volumes which magically stays current), and other pure reference works.

But NO computer, therefore NO internet, therefore NO email/Googling. That would defeat the whole idea. And no movies or television series either, unless you guys rage in the comments section and demand to have those included. It's up to you, I'm just following the radio program format.

And the last quirk is they allow you to bring a single "luxury" item. I guess all your food and drinks are magically provided for, and you live in simple comfort, but something like a musical instrument, say, would be a luxury, because it's not needed to survive, just a real bonus (if you enjoy playing it, of course).

So to sum up, please list:
1. 5 albums to take with you.
2. 5 books to take with you.
3. 1 luxury item to take with you.

If there are any questions, just ask. Have fun! I'll play too, once others have started. And before you ask, the albums must be official releases, not home compilations or 200-song mp3 discs! Whatever the band put out - even greatest hits or box sets - are fine, but you can't make up products that don't exist, like "All of Elvis Presley's music in a collection." That doesn't exist as a single product you can buy, that I know of.

Nuts.

Okay, fess up. Assuming you're not allergic to nuts or don't like them for some other reason, which are your favorite? I won't have you rank or rate them or vote for them or anything silly, just leave in the comments which ones you particularly enjoy. Just the nut itself please - salted or unsalted doesn't matter - but no chocolate dipped monstrosities if you please! As usual I will chime in with my own 3-5 favorites, either in order, or if that proves to be too difficult, than maybe which are my favorites different contexts. Or something...

Nuts!

A couple from... Eric Clapton!

Awards for the Mini-Quiz winners.

An Gabhar Ban got a perfect score on the "Ancient Egyptian Women" mini-quiz. For that, she gets... a bust of Nefertiti, wife of Pharaoh Akhenaton and stepmother of King Tut!

Mandula got 5/5 on the Cat ID Quiz, but her answer on the Egyptian Mau was a little shaky, so she shares the top prize with Hans (4/5), who should know his cats! They win... a statuette of Bastet, the Cat Goddess!

Thanks to everyone who participated! We'll have another quiz soon. :)

Maybe a goat quiz? Hmm....

Mini Quiz #2: Cat Breeds

Identify the following cat breeds. Since some breeds have a lot of diversity of colors and may look very similar to other breeds, I've give you six chances to get five points. That is, the maximum score is still 5/5, but you get six guesses and I'll take the best five of them.

What official breeds are these cats?

Oh, in case there are multiple contestants who get 5/5, the sixth answer will count, as the tiebreaker. If multiple people get 6/6, they all win!

Don't worry dog lovers, I'll get to you soon. Maybe even birds and reptiles, too...

This never stops being funny.

Mini Quiz!

Mini quizzes consist of 5 items of a related theme, and a set of five statements about those items. You have to match the statement to the item. It's a multiple choice quiz, in other words. Shouldn't take you more than 5 minutes!

Here's the first...

Ancient Egyptian Women

1. Nefertiti
2. Hatshepsut
3. Nefertari
4. Cleopatra
5. Meryt-Neith

a. First female ruler of Egypt
b. Macedonian queen of Egypt
c. Wife of Ramses II
d. Wife of Akhenaton
e. Only female 'king' of Egypt

Good luck!

Mozfather

“Now My Heart Is Full”

There's gonna be some trouble

A whole house will need re-building

And everyone I love in the house

Will recline on an analyst's couch quite soon

Your father cracks a joke

And in the usual way

Empties the room

Tell all of my friends

I don't have too many

Just some rain-coated lovers' puny brothers

Dallow, Spicer, Pinkie, Cubitt

Rush to danger, wind up nowhere

Patric Doonan, raised to wait

I'm tired again, I tried again, and

Now my heart is full

Now my heart is full

And I just can't explain

So I won't even try to

Dallow, Spicer, Pinkie, Cubitt

Every jammy Stressford poet

Loafing oafs in all-night chemists

Loafing oafs in all-night chemists

Underact, express depression

Ah, but Bunnie I loved you

I was tired again

I tried again, and

Now my heart is full

Now my heart is full

And I just can't explain

So I won't even try to

Could you pass by? Could you pass by?

Could you pass by? Could you pass by?

Could you pass by? Oh

Now my heart is full

Now my heart is full

And I just can't explain

So... so... so... so....

—morrissey—

“Rubber Ring”

A sad fact widely known
The most impassionate song
To a lonely soul
Is so easily outgrown
But don't forget the songs
That made you smile
And the songs that made you cry
When you lay in awe
On the bedroom floor
And said : "Go on, smother me Mother..."

No...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring


The passing of time
And all of its crimes
Is making me sad again
The passing of time
And all of its sickening crimes
Is making me sad again
But don't forget the songs
That made you cry
And the songs that saved your life
Yes, you're older now
And you're a clever swine
But they were the only ones who ever stood by you

The passing of time leaves empty lives
Waiting to be filled
The passing of time
Leaves empty lives
Waiting to be filled
I'm here with the cause
I'm holding the torch
In the corner of your room
Can you hear me?
And when you're dancing and laughing
And finally living
Hear my voice in your head
And think of me kindly

No...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring

Do you love me like you used to?

You're clever
Everybody's clever nowadays
You're clever
Everybody's clever nowadays

You are sleeping
You do not want to believe
You are sleeping
You do not want to believe
You are sleeping
You do not want to believe
You are sleeping

From: http://www.musicbabylon.com

—morrissey—

For my next quiz, I'm going to have multiple categories, like a Trivial Pursuit game.

Whoa... nice photo. Taken near Banff, Alberta.

Moraine Lake Panorama by "dewey2999"

Tech: 9-shot bracketing, 6-frame panorama, totaling 54 exposures. Combined in Photomatix and then merged in Adobe Photoshop CS5. Final color corrections in Adobe Lightroom 3 and sharpening and resizing in CS5 with the Kenko Polarizing filter.

Nikon D300s, AF-S DX Zoom-NIKKOR 17-55mm f/2.8G IF-ED at 17mm and ISO 100. Velbon tripod, Manfrotto head.

Corrrr!!

It figures. I've been waiting since 1998 for Brendan Perry's second solo album, Ark, which finally came out this year, though as a ridiculous $25 import if you live in the USA. I downloaded it, but I WILL buy it once it's a reasonable price and I have the money, because he's a brilliant, independent artist and he deserves it.

I've also been waiting since 2000 for StarCraft II and since 1998 for Diablo III. That's 10+ years folks, and the previous installments are still among the best-selling and most revered computer games of all time. You'd think they'd get sequels out quickly, right? Nope. This is Blizzard we're talking about, they of the "We'll release it when it's ready" timeframe. Granted, they always come through with the most polished, playtested, balanced, awesome games, so it's worth the wait, but 10 and 12 years??

Lastly, I haven't been waiting for Civilization V for that long since it sort of took everyone by surprise when it was announced, but I've played the hell out of Civs I through IV, and so getting and playing V into the ground is a given.

So, why does it sound like I'm complaining? Because 1) ALL three games are coming out in the next couple MONTHS, all at once, all of a sudden after all this time (StarCraft II is already out actually, and all my Facebook buddies are playing it and keep inviting me to join in). I can't NOT play them, they're far too awesome for that. 2) I have no money with which to purchase any one of these games, never mind all three. And 3) My video card bites and I'd need to spend $200-$300 to get one that's rad enough to play these games at decent settings and smooth framerates on my monitor. (The rest of my PC kicks butt.)

So basically, nothing was happening for a long, long, long time (something like a Biblical day), then all of a sudden I need $400 to get a video card and three epic games that could tide me over another 5+ years if they actually deliver (and Blizzard and Firaxis almost always do). Plus I still have to "pay Brendan back" for his CD which I couldn't afford but couldn't stand not being able to listen to.

All I can think is I'll keep selling stuff on eBay, namely my bike and maybe even my Nikon camera and lenses, wet suit, baseball gloves, tennis racquets, headphones, books... and with a few grand from sales, I can keep $500 of it or something for the above items, and use the rest to pay off debts, pay back my parents a couple drops in the big bucket of money they've hoisted my way over the years, or just start a savings or something; whatever is the most prudent and responsible thing to do, according to my royal advisers.

Or I'll have to face the unthinkable: Not getting any of the game sequels of my three most-loved franchises (well, 3 of the 5, maybe).......  Excuse me while I sob like a baby.

P.S. I've given up on getting an iPad, which starts at $499 for the lame model and that's without a case or any purchased apps or tax. Bah. I'll wait a few generations until they operate by thought or something, then maybe I'll be working again and can get whatever the hell I want. Ah, that would be so nice! I understand why I'm in the situation I'm in and I accept it, but that doesn't mean being bipolar and having panic disorder doesn't suck the huge one. It's frustrating, just by itself of course, but also the restrictions it imposes on one's life. For example just staying within computers and not even talking about a girlfriend/wife, a house, furniture, proper grown-up dishware and appliances, and so on, I'd also like a Mac at some point more than a PC, because I'm sick of all my PCs breaking down at some point.

I guess I'm supposed to be wise enough to realize that material things don't make us happy. It's doing good deeds and controlling negative thoughts that satisfy the soul more than anything one can purchase ever could.

Now back to sobbing.

These games are gonna rock SO hard