Name.

Day breaks
Another sun shines
Nothing to do today
It feels perfect
Elysian bliss, if you want it
Love or solitude, if you can catch it
Life has a way of playing its little games
And you are the referee of yours

Just another chance to believe
Once more the soothing scents of home
Now off again to the play-fields
Everyone will be wrapped in smiles
Smiles that make the sky deep blue.

Thanks (I guess) to Dan Heller for the photo

The Drugs Don't Work.
(The Verve)

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side

'Cause the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again.

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again.

I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you want me to show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

But now I know...

The drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again.

The sound of the wind is not mechanical.

I've got a few exciting job prospects, an exciting female prospect, and the negatives in my life seem (for now) manageable. Is this what it feels like to be "normal?" Wow, this is great. Even the uncertainty of it isn't troubling me much - it feels like a challenge to conquer and make things even better. I'd better stop, I'm sounding like one of those rubbish self-help gurus now.

But seriously, just enjoying a beautiful day and not worrying about anything of consequence. Ahhhhh.....

Wow.

400th blog post already. I was just celebrating my 300th not long ago at all. More pictures and poems probably are the main reason, but I've just had more to speak out about lately. More inspiration, more emotion, more vivid experiences. It's been quite a ride. Well, 500, ...here I come.

Not for the squeamish... or maybe PRECISELY for them...

Meet your Meat
http://www.goveg.com/factoryFarming.asp
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-513747926833909134

Morrissey on receiving PETA award
http://www.peta2.com/outthere/o-morrissey_accept.asp

Note: I made the links highlight but not actually go to the sites. This was to protect minors from untoward things. Feel free to copy the links into your browser window and have at it though. The one from Morrissey is just a bonus, because he is so cool. Nothing shocking at that link.

We cut out the heart of an apple
So we can enjoy the sweetness it builds all around it
That it may have wanted for itself.

It seems to me all of human life is like this.

She stood in her native pose
too straight, I thought
chin was up and spine made
its gentle S curve I've pictured
in wakened dreams so many times
but her shoulders seemed hunched
it was noon so that could have been it
but it was midnight too,
in another part of the world.

We danced a pas de deux
all across green lawns that stretched
as far as eye could see, as far
as I could see there were no limits
to my bliss, I kissed her then and there
and I thought I heard a host of cherubim
but it was only a honey bee
lingering in the fading light of evening
while dawn arose in another part of the world.

To...

Day breaks
Another sun shines
Nothing to do today
It feels perfect
Elysian bliss, if you want it
Love or solitude, if you can catch it
Life has a way of playing its little games
And you are the referee of yours

Just another chance to believe
Once more the soothing scents of home
Now off again to the play-fields
Everyone will be wrapped in smiles
Smiles that make the sky deep blue.

Wake Up.
(Win Butler)

Something filled up
my heart with nothing
someone told me not to cry.

Now that I'm older
my heart's colder
and I can see that it's a lie.

Children, wake up
hold your mistake up
before they turn the summer into dust.

Children, don't grow up
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up
we're just a million little gods causing rain storms
turning every good thing to rust.

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

Untitled.

Your eyes take me on a leave of absence
Sometimes to work harder than most
Makes the most of what we have
Black pines against an inky black sky
Along the river grow so high
A saw-whet owl just caught my eye
Then back to your folded body
Inside sheets outside the rain, a dance
We practiced yesterday
The sweetest word candy
Not boyfriend and girlfriend, no
Not friends instead of, no
It's all of those things and more but love
Once labeled they fall from heaven
Lose their magical grace
For now I am here with you and the owls
And black pines cast no shadows
And dark all around us we find light in our hearts
And stand on our own for what we are.

.... Time Jesum Transeuntum Et Non Riverentum ....

Raptor.

I regret that I can't feel high all the time
Cannot whoosh from thought to action and back
Barely able to catch my breath for the anticipation
Of creating, educating, and organizing
But I would rather be at peace with myself and feel
That cool breeze upon me as I stare out over the vineyards
And relax, comfortable with any change that may come my way
And feel rooted, more than anything in the world.

Beringia.

They tell me I sometimes see and hear things that aren't there
I have vivid memories of experiences that didn't happen
I bounce between flatline lack of interest and inappprpriate enthusiasm
Now I am just trying to keep warm and keep something in my stomach

I don't know what happened to my mind
I think I used to be able to tell what was real and what wasn't
I remember being smart, and quick, and having lots of hope
Trees twinkling and frosty air repelled by comforting fireplaces.

Lord of his tiny domain.

Simple lives.

I want to get out of America with all its stray cat methamphetamine toughs and empty garages and girls stuffed into two ounces of fabric with no feeling in their hearts anymore. Could we be happy where the sun sets on the graceful curve of hilltops or in a flat valley blanket of wild rose? Where cold rapids threaten to take your swimsuit yet you laugh unselfconsciously and later around the hissing fire we drink a beer and tell tall tales smiling and unconcerned with maintaining female or male, only our human dignity and decency. Can people truly connect? Could it be that simple?

Funny how time goes, though. One moment you're scared out of your wits and don't know why; it's just a feeling of supreme inadequacy and embarrassing doubt. The next you're lofty as trousers billowing about on the high cycle in the great coin-op dryer of life. I want to be a family man because family and love are important, but I want to stay vital and growing and interested until the day I die. If I repeat myself now and then, something's gone wrong. Everything cliche-free phrase longer than ten words, statistically, will be unique in your lifetime. Or so I've read.

I don't even trust what I read anymore, but it keeps me busy. Could we, do you think?

Candy.
(Gerard Malanga, Peter Hujar, Unknown)

Candy Darling
(Daniel Ash)

Fell in love with herself
Couldn't really fall for no one else
Well I can't say that I blame her
No I can't say that I blame her
For taking just one more look

The saddest thing, I have to say it
Is no one could ever stay so strong
That is why
She had to die
Candy Darling, so long.

Like chasing unicorns.

I want someone who's as devoted to me as I am to her. Someone who's interested in me actively, takes time to talk to me and ask questions, listens and has an opinion on what I say. Someone who does special things for me just because she loves me. I don't want to feel like I'm a bore or a burden or a kook. Well, a kook is ok, as long as it's thought of as a positive. I want to be around the sort of person who likes me *because* I'm kooky (and hopefully sweet, too).

One thing my life never seems to be is dull. But I'm willing and eager to give my all for someone if I feel she's giving back just as much, in her own way of course. If I sense that I've become redundant or made to feel an inch tall, or if my talents are ignored or taken for granted and only my flaws focused on, it just kills the joy in life for me. No one wants to be in a suffocating or deadening relationship like that. I'm tired of chasing unicorns, but I will never settle for a broken-spirited mare.

Who AM I?

I hate fundies, by Metamatician.

How can you take all the complex emotions a person can feel for various other people in the world, everyone you know falling on your scale somewhere between love and hate, and fit it into the traditional model of relationships that stem primarily from Western monotheistic beliefs? I'm not going to go into my personal feelings about monogamy, marriage, free-love, or whatever, but the fact is, all variations on the theme really do exist, as do homosexual and bi-sexual lifestyles and almost everything else you can think of.

Once again it's backwards religions that attempt to force everyone into the same mold. For the most part diversity is making strides against this old-fashioned idea, but not nearly fast enough for some unfortunate people or in some particular areas. To me, if you love someone and they love you back, and you are both adults and consent to have a relationship, then that's all that matters. And if adults want to do other things with their lives like take drugs or live in communes or swing or whatever, that should be their right as well. What grounds does a government have to make laws as to what's moral or not?

Practical laws to keep people from harming one another are a different matter, but the law should keep its nose out of people's personal lives and bodies. Someday people will look back on some of the current prejudices and legislature as being as ridiculous as buying and selling human beings to use as slaves. Hopefully organized religion and intolerant beliefs of all kinds will vanish slowly over time, but I'm not as optimistic about this as I might have been if I'd lived at some point from the dawn of the Age of Reason up the mid 20th century or so.

Back then, the world still had lots of problems, but the problems of ignorance and dogma were steadily lessening in most places in the world as science and technology advanced. Unfortunately in our current climate of scientific indeterminacy (quantum uncertainty, complexity, chaos, emergence, blurring distinction between what's alive and what isn't), renewed religious fundamentalism, and technology that is poisoning our planet and making dubious "contributions" to the lives and culture of its people, we seem to have slid backwards from this noble pursuit back into some murky reactionary phase.

Is this merely an adjustment period after which an advance toward reason and peaceful enlightenment will resume, or a true shift in the wind? It's too early to tell, but again, I'm not optimistic. Science has simply gotten too specialized and difficult for most people to understand, reason has been dealt blows from the collape of Newton's clockwork universe and from sociological models embracing cultural relevancy (no objective mores, rights, truths), and it's hard to see the whole planet ever coming together into the kind of peaceful, seamless constituancy often found in science fiction novels.

But who knows, maybe further breakthroughs are ahead which will reverse the direction toward unification once again.

I'd give up happiness for a little serenity.

At this point I don't even know what makes me happy, what I like doing. Most things I do just get my mind off things I don't want to think about or are some kind of overindulgence. Or I'm trying to find happiness from infatuation, which is ultimately fustrating and ungratifying. What are good, stable ways of having fun that I can do and look forward to? Good things: Exercise. Being in nature. Outdoor activities. Photography. Traveling. Reading. Bad things: Drinking. Spending too much time on the computer. Watching movies too much. Overeating. Oversleeping.

Sha Shu.

Credit.

I originally meant for this blog to consist only of my own original work, whether it be writing or visual art. I've drifted from this obviously, and that's fine. Sometimes another's work can pull just the right mood from a poem or set the stage better than I ever could. I don't consider it a shortcoming anymore, just an added tool in my toolbox to help me express what I am feeling.

I do try earnestly to credit other authors where possible. I haven't quite settled on a consistent design motif for doing this, so bear with me while I iron out the kinks. For song lyrics I list the songwriters name and not the band he or she may be affiliated with, since I'm repoducing the words and not the entire song as such. For painting or photos, I try to give credit when I can find it. If not, I'll mark it as "unknown."

All paintings, photographs, and words without such indications should be taken to be my own work. If you find obvious errors please let me know. I'm not trying to pass anyone's work off as my own, only add in occasionally bits that interested or inspired me so that I might spice up my site, give people a break from me, and hopefully turn some young impressionable minds on to other venues of art.

Far From Me.
(cave)

For you dear I was born
For you I was raised up
For you I've lived and for you I will die
For you I am dying now.

You were my mad little lover
In a world where everyone fucks everyone else over...

You are so far from me
So far from me
Way across some cold neurotic sea
Far from me

I would talk to you of all matter of things
With a smile you would reply
Then the sun would leave your pretty face
And you'd retreat from the front of your eyes.

I keep hearing that you're doing best
I hope your heart beats happy in your infant breast...

You are so far from me
Far from me
Far from me

There is no knowledge but I know it
There's nothing to learn from that vacant voice
That sails to me across the line
From the ridiculous to the sublime.

It's good to hear you're doing so well
But really can't you find somebody else that you can ring and tell?

Did you ever care for me?
Were you ever there for me?
So far from me

You told me you'd stick by me
Through the thick and through the thin
Those were your very words
MY FAIR-WEATHER FRIEND.

You were my brave-hearted lover
At the first taste of trouble went running back to mother...

You are so far from me
So far from me
Suspended in your bleak and fishless sea
Far from me.