VI.

light bringer,
sees the true darkness

what
can never be penetrated.

here i am denouncing God the idea
without any better idea.

we are all so much just lost children
who have given over to crying in disillusionment

or simply trying to forget.

here i am espousing a philosophy rejecting any mystery
and then I cry inside, because there is no mystery

it's the old loved and lost predicament.

do I want the elation and the terror, the full spectrum of possibility
or do I want this gray and polite mediocrity
to say yep! thanks, i'm quite okay
to drift across the same flat line each day,

and what does it mean to be Alive and Conscious anyway?

and what is Time?

i'm still wrestling with that child inside of me who wants
to live every moment as if it were his last, and just not ask

and yet, now knowing, i am terrified to act. is it really up to me
to spend this time as only i can decide, to call, to bet all i have

to risk the chance of another Fall?

i beg thee all,
don't put any faith in me, please i beg, please. please,

i am unfree.