Tired of being sick
Sick of being tired
Why does my brain act this way,
Turning off and on everyday
And everything scarily wears away
Till I feel like I'm floating in sky
Why, God, why? Tell me!!
Why? Why? Why?!?!
My neck hurts and my mind hurts
And my stomach hurts and my life hurts
And there's no escape but darkness
So I scrape along, I'll hurt people
Either way, if I stay, pray for me
If I die today
They'll cry, then try
To move along and stay strong
And if I'm wrong and 'happy' is a
Choice you make, like some say,
Then why can't I make it?
Why can't I do anything at all?
I feel paralized, watch my body
From the opposite wall
Plus I ain't done shit since I was
Timid and small
It's hell, I've been through hell
And there I dwell in silence
Rank, vile place with the stank of
Mindless, senseless but somehow
Necessary cursory blindness
Behind this sham of mental rage and violence
Metal cage, keep me from the world, I'm mindless
Too many days searching for a way to
Rewind this, live again, pick it up at
8 years old. Was even that too old?
Was the air cold yet from fruitless,
Tireless kindess, reminders
From most of the people I love
Keep your head up, one day you'll turn out
Wise and on the short list and
Exceedingly tough
But I'm none of these things,
I'm a complete, Class 5 disaster
Who cannot move, let alone pursue what
I'm after, like women, what a dream-
In truth I'm just a decent actor.
They'd hate me if I didn't bring them laughter
But it's not funny to me,
Feel like a clown with no smile,
And it's been awhile
Since I could look at a child
And indentify with that life.
So long, I contend it was another life.
And was the only reason for being
And why we return to remember it,
Late in our days, to comfort the soul
But it's like some Germanic myth
These days thally and dioxin seem Gifts
I could gladly accept, if only I could overcome
What must be the inertia of a thousand suns
Collapsed past the point of darkness,
That fly through our bodies and are gone.
So can I "just move on"?
Every morning I groan, I can't think straight,
Every idea seems ridiculous
When I'm so bound by indecision to a hideous mess
When I finally meet my death
And I don't know if I want to, it's the same story
I'm tired of even repeating the same thing
To a a tiny audience who mill in shame
And wish they could help, but at the same time,
I feel I'm rightfully to blame -
I must have done something, I was hit with
Every frivolous game bearing a straight face
But wait, I'm feeling human once again
Guess I'll make a go of it now?
This is so different-
Point me at he sky and tell me how.