"Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it."
You can hear John McEnroe doing color commentary actually call it too before it happens. I've done this shot in both tennis and table tennis for winners, but of course, not in front of a few thousand fans and on television, etc. I've also missed it quite a few times...
Art is just art, and I consider this an "art" blog. Whether that art is any good or not is up to the reader to decide.... But as art, it's a bit more complex than a straightforward "confessional" blog, which is like someone's diary or journal slapped right up onto the Internet. Mine's not like that - there is a layer of abstraction there.
Here I express myself directly sometimes, indirectly at others. Sometimes I use satire or sarcasm, sometimes I'm deadly serious. But don't trust what's here in the sense that it's a verbatim transcript of how I'm feeling right then. I do often write confessionally and that abstraction all but disappears, but not always. And sometimes poems are from weeks or months or years prior to when I post them, or songs or pictures just find there way onto a post because I've been meaning to get them on there for quite some time and was waiting for the right time. But it doesn't necessarily have significance for that day.
The reason I'm saying all this is that much of what I post is pretty dark, though some of it's not, some is cute or funny or just music videos and other random things (which still have value; they all ultimately say something about me, since I chose to post them, after all). But the point is, if I go on a spree of posting Joy Division lyrics or my own darker poems and some bleak pictures one day or over several days, I may be expressing that to get it out of me, or just as an admiration of how art can be both dark and beautiful, or for one of many reasons—but it doesn't mean I'm going to jump off a bridge that night.
I know people worry about me and frankly, so do I sometimes. It's no secret I have pretty severe depression and anxiety, and that's something I'm not ashamed to say straight out (because it's not my fault, it's chemical and maybe psychological, but doesn't mean I'm possessed by devils or anything stupid that people used to think). However, it's certainly no damn fun nor is it glamorous in any way. It's awful, and I'm working behind the scenes so to speak (in my non-blogging life) to get "better" somehow and to steer a course into more pleasant pastures. But that struggle is semi-independent of this blog.
That is, while what I post may reflect how I'm feeling (and it often does—I won't pretend otherwise), it doesn't always, and one definitely shouldn't infer anything from the posts on this blog in and of themselves. This is my little sandbox to play in and dump words, images, and music into. If I need someone to talk to I will email or IM my best friends or parents, and if it's worse than that I will seek professional help. Here, on this blog though, I want the freedom to express any emotion, even the most negative or hopeless, without worrying everyone I know.
So... just wanted to clear that up. Thanks for reading, and as always I sincerely appreciate everyone who takes the time to visit, no matter if I'm happy, sad, or somewhere in the middle. Life's always better with friends, and I care about you all and thank you for making my life a little better each time we chat or you stop by to leave a comment. I'd hate to lose that - feedback is something I always enjoy.