Monday, August 31

Cure for pain.

Where is the ritual
And tell me where, where is the taste?
Where is the sacrifice
And tell me where, where is the faith?
Someday there'll be a cure for pain
That's the day I throw my drugs away!
When they find a cure for pain.

Where is the cave
Where the wise woman went?
And tell me where
Where's all that money that I spent?
I propose a toast to my self-control
You see it crawling helpless on the floor
Someday there'll be a cure for pain
That's the day I throw my drugs away.

When they find a cure for pain
When they find a cure for pain
When they find a cure for pain.

(Mark Sandman, RIP)

Saturday, August 29

What computer operating systems have you used over the years? Select as many as apply.
Window Vista or Windows 7
Windows XP (any)
Windows 2000 or Windows NT (any)
Windows 95/98/ME
Windows 3.1
Mac OS X (any)
Mac System 1 through 9 (any)
UNIX (AIX, BSD - any)
Please Specify:
ugg boots

Thursday, August 27

Which program do you use PRIMARILY use to listen to music on your computer?
Windows Media Player
VLC (VideoLAN)
WMP Classic
Please Specify:

Wednesday, August 26

Crazy cool band.

Do you like Joy Division, very early New Order, SWANS (their slow-paced stuff in particular), Dead Can Dance, The Durutti Column, and maybe some progressive stuff like Boards of Canada and Godspeed You! Black Emperor? Even sigur rós, perhaps?

Or do you resist that kind of categorization and just like great, thoughtful, beautiful music?

Well, either way, have I got the band for you! They're called Piano Magic, and if you already know about them, then you are cooler than I am.

Check them out:

These guys (guy, really) are totally amazing in that DCD kind of way. Small wonder, then, that Brendan Perry himself has contributed two songs to their upcoming album. Yay!

They have quite a back catalogue, so I don't know why I haven't sussed them out til now. Maybe because they're one of those deliciously dinky bands that you a get a certain pride from being the only one you know who know about them, and you can sneak incredible songs onto mixes and the recipient will be thinking "Damn, who's this?"

I love finding diamonds in all this mud of life!

Tuesday, August 25

Some questions for GIRLS ONLY =P

Attention female readers of this blog:

Mandula's friend in Hungary,
Éva, is conducting a poll exclusively for girls/women asking briefly about your computer use and decision-making. She is starting up a magazine specifically aimed at women and computers and needs to know, among other things - how educated about computers are women in the real world? How much of the decision to buy, upgrade, and use software do they take responsibility for (as opposed to turning to men for help)? There are no good/bad answers, just answer honestly if you would. The more people who answer, the more it will help her out, so thank you in advance!



01. How did you learn using the computers and internet? On your own, or were there lessons in school? How old were you when you started learning it? Were the girls and boys separated on lessons?

02. What gadgets do you have but not use and why?

03. What gadgets do you have and use? (I'm curious about all electronic gadgets, eg. MP3-players, gamer mouse, anything.)

04. Do you own a PC? What software do you have?

05. Do you own a mobile phone? What kind of phone and what do you do with it? Just watching the clock/playing music/etc.

06. If there would be problems with your PC, what would you do?

07. Do you like buying IT-stuff, gadgets, mobile phones etc.?

08. Are you interested in design?

09. Do you like web pages that write about IT?

10. Do you have an animal? If yes, what do you do to keep it safe from your electronic stuff?

11. Do you like playing games on PC/consoles?

12. How do you keep safe your stuff on your PC? Do you use firewall, or any protection from virus?

13. If you have to buy a new computer, what would you do? Go and buy on your own, or would you ask for help from your boyfriend/father/etc.?


Keep in mind Éva doesn't speak perfect English, but I think she speaks it very well and I have left her questions as she wrote them, rather than trying to alter them or 'fix' anything. The meaning is clear enough, I think.

A response to this post, answering questions by number, would be great. I'll then pass all the answers, as well as the country where you live along to her. Here's hoping she has success with her new publication (electronic or printed - I don't even know yet). Sounds like a good niche!

Thanks again for helping out. Karma will reward you in the end. :-)


Sunday, August 23

Thank you, Mandula, for the necklace!

What a sweetheart, she made it herself after I just expressed a liking for one of her previous "arrowhead" pendants on her site. Thanks again!

My life ain't no holiday.
I've been to the point of no return.
I've seen what a man can do.
I've seen all the hate of a woman too.

Monday, August 17

My mom has a new cat!

He's a ragdoll breed. His coloration is "seal point lynx bicolor" if I remember it all, meaning he's got or is going to have the grey-colored "points" - snout, ears, tail. The lynx part means he'll have some of those straight lines of color on his forehead, like a tabby but without all the other colors, just grey lines. And the bicolor means his body (the non-pointed parts) won't be solid white but will have two colors, though in his case it looks like - and empath correct me if I'm wrong - they will both be light, like white and cream or something. I know some bicolors are masked or tuxedos or just about anything with white and another color, but I think main features will be as you see in the photo - grey ("seal") points with lynx markings on his brow. And his feet are white - he won't get "boots" in any other color. His "formal" name is Hans Fogelberg but his nickname is Thumper!

Here is an actual photo of him, more will surely follow :-)

Isn't he precious? Awww.


Save me, save me, save me,
Save me, save me, save me.

The candles are lit. The curtains are drawn.
There's still no sign of rain nor dawn.
Our lips touch. Our limbs entwine.
But the ghosts that haunt me won't leave my mind.

Save me, save me, save me,
Save me, save me from myself.

One sin leads to another one.
Oh, the harder I try
I can never, never, never find peace in this life.

I ask myself where does lust come from?
Is it something to yield to or be overcome?

I ask myself
Why love can never touch my heart like fear does.
Why can't love ever touch my heart like fear does?


Sunday, August 16


Tyson Gay, the premier American sprinter and second fastest man in the world, just put in a 9.70 sec mark at the World Championships in Berlin, only one one-hundredth (0.01) of a sec off the world record time set by Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt at the Beijing Olympics, which was 9.69 sec.

And yet he lost by well over a tenth of a second, which in sprinting is like an hour.

That's because Bolt shattered his own mark in incredible fashion, almost effortlessly gliding to a new world record of 9.58 sec. He said afterwards he thinks he can hit 9.40 before his career peaks. It was only a few years ago we were in the 9.85 area, and not too many years since someone broke 10 sec for the first time ever. Remember, this is meters, not yards. The ten-second mark was only broken by human beings 4 years before I was born.

Usain Bolt is truly an "insane bolt" of lightning on the track.

Saturday, August 15

Some things about stuff and things.

Just random sentences here, mostly. Been listening to Cream and Eric Clapton lately, and friends and collaborators of his - Gilmour, Lennon, Winwood, Jagger, etc. That guy is like the "6 degrees of Kevin Bacon" for the whole rock industry, except that you could probably shorten that to about 3 degrees. If you don't know what I'm talking about, well, get a clue!

Also checking out genealogy software and sites, in a long overdue attempt to make a family tree and study my own ancestry a bit. Both my grandmothers are still alive and both have done some research in the past, so I'm going to relentlessly (or perhaps gently) email them until I suck out all their knowledge for my own purposes (which should make both of them feel good, in point of fact).

Malthus's 19th century ideas about the scarcity of resources limiting population explosion is hitting home in a big way, except that I don't want to explode and create more population, I just want to be able to afford to buy small things, especially with people's birthdays coming up, relatives having a hard time financially, and dollars generally being next to impossible to come by. And how exactly am I supposed to fritter away money if I don't have any to begin with? It's depressing.

I'll need to work to supplement or supplant this welfare bonanza I'm on. I want to study to become a medical technician (CT, MRI, etc.) so that I can buy groceries and things, but that takes time and money itself, so I need a job before that to be able to afford the schooling. I've found websites that will pay people to write content for them, which sounds good if the subjects are interesting. I'm more of an ideas (architecture) guy, but I can do content too, I'm bicameral by god!

I've also reunited with a bunch of friends from high school on Facebook, though not deliberately, and it's been pretty painless and even fun at times. Most people are surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) not much different from when I knew them years ago. The ones who have changed have tended to mellow for the better. The others were always mellow and have remained that way. Maybe we're all just getting old, but I like it, I guess.

I forgot, one of them has a kid who thinks he can punk me in chess. I'd better go take him out with a massive assault on his King-side just to teach him humility. Lol. I've got a 20-game win streak going in Scramble (aka Boggle) now against GOOD players - pretty amazing, I've just barely won some of those matches too. Very few handy wins or blowouts. I gotta have my wits about me now, everyone is gunning to take me down. I feel like Bob Marley or Butch Cassidy or Jesse James. [Ed. note: It's now been ended. Boo hoo.]

Last thing: YouTube officially sucks and long live DailyMotion, Imeem, and the others who provide better quality at larger sizes, and most importantly, haven't completely decimated their "official" collections of music videos and anything else desirable. What the hell? Haven't music labels learned YET? They distrusted MTV way back when. Then Steve Jobs came in and trampled them to death with iTunes, even though as their retail sales ( = physical merchandise, which costs THEM money) fell, their online sales went up. Now they're all hitting 'Tube with gag orders so we can't watch or embed any free videos of THEIR PRODUCT, even though said videos are easily seen for free on MTV or their own sites, and they presumably would like us to actually buy their products. They're not called promotional videos for nothing.

Oh right, advertising. Well guess what? Shove it, I'll keep on finding sites that have the cojones to actually promote my favorite artists so that maybe I WILL go buy their new CD, rather than end up in a bad mood because I can't find an official version of Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" which is like 15 years old now. What the hell do they think they gain by not allowing anyone to post that video on YouTube at this point? Hatred, that's what they get, and more people like me defecting to other, newer and better sites. Or outright downloading things in the Interweb's not-so-seedy underworld, which cuts out their revenue stream entirely. No, no, they haven't learned a thing.

And Google, as much as I love(d) you, you bought YouTube and agreed to all this, so screw you too!

Goodbye for now, dear audience. I am dreaming up a pub quiz, more polls and questionnaires, more expository essays on the topology of the universe (or at least, related topics), and possibly even... *drum roll* ...file downloads (of a legal nature, of course)! I'll do all that's possible in Blogger before ditching YOUR DUMB, AMATEURISH BLOG SERVICE, MR GOOGLE, and going to something much more elegant and powerful like Wordpress. Or anything else. Better think quick, Sergei and Larry, you guys are OLD now in the world of the young. So am I, but I'm a consumer. That doesn't count, because I control you guys in the mind of Adam Smith (RIP).


The The - Love Is Stronger Than Death

Lyrics: Matt Johnson

REM - Swan Swan H

Lyrics: Michael Stipe

Thursday, August 13

My Number One Celeb Crush... No Doubt About It.


Covered in lotion today :-|

1. Soothing anti-burn lotion for sunburns on my face and arms from sitting in the pouring sun for hours during the game. It's unusual for me to burn, but I had NO base tan this time. Ouch!

2. Aspercreme pain-relieving lotion for my left knee, and also for my right calf, which bore the brunt of the weight as I hobbled around trying to keep off my left leg. o.O

3. Moisturizing lotion for the rest of me - as all the sun dried me out and my skin, lips, etc, feel very dry.

Oy vey! I should have invested in Nivea stock.

Went to a Giants (baseball) game yesterday.

And we had a great time. We arrived a little bit late (the top of the 2nd I believe) but it was still 0-0. It was my stepdad and my brother and I - my stepdad was playing the wet blanket Dodger fan! The place was packed and there wasn't too much action in the game until late. Unless you're a fan of pitching, that is. Tim Lincecum from the Giants, who won the Cy Young Award last year (the pitcher's equivalent of an MVP) and may win it again this year - he's one of the best pitchers right now in the game - was on the hill for the Giants. He shut the Dodgers down inning after inning, while the Giants kept getting baserunners on against a variety of different Dodger pitchers. The disheartening part was that they barely scored any of them though, twice leaving the bases loaded and in the game as a whole stranding 13 runners on base to the Dodger's 2. They also made a defensive error at shortstop which luckily didn't prove to be costly. Overall defensively it was a pretty clean game from both teams.

Anyway, the Dodgers made the most of their 2 hits in 9 innings against Lincecum, and scratched out a second run to tie the game in the 9th inning! What a shock as they had hardly gotten any wood on Lincecum all day. We started talking about how the Giant's failure to bring their own runners in scoring position home would come back to haunt them - such is often the case, it seems. As it turned out though, in the bottom of the 10th inning, with the score still 2-2 and a runner on, Juan Uribe of the Giants hit a bomb into the left field bleachers to win the game 4-2 in walk-off fashion. The foghorns sounded and smoke poured into the air and the crowd went wild. What an exciting game! A good pitching performance plus a win! I'm just sorry that Tim Lincecum got a no-decision and not a win, because he pitched amazingly and really deserved that "W" - but those things happen.

Lots of thanks to my stepdad for taking us, and to he and my brother for helping me around the park and getting me food, since my left knee is giving me some trouble at the moment. The park was crowded but it never seemed too overwhelming. They have a really modern setup with screens all over the place so you can still watch the action even while waiting in the concession lines. Also, we had a great view from high up above and to the left of home plate, and could see not only all the action on the field but the gorgeous panorama of the Bay just outside its walls, with sailboats, motorboats, and freighters crusing about between The City and Oakland, and the Bay Bridge stretching majestically across. I wish I'd have brought my camera!

It was a fun day for all of us. And a bit atypical of San Francisco this time of year I have to say, very sunny and hot! I even got a mini sunburn :)

Saturday, August 8

Brittany, France.

The Lazy Boy.

Dark Continents.

Peering over the edge of the earth
In dreams internal continents rearrange
Geological time makes the rocket thoughts seem
Like a replay of birth, crawling on a glass floor
I know what those experiments were meant to discover
But I don't know what they did them for
It seems the kind of thing that Ethics would abhor

Of course we clamp monkey's heads in vices
And saw off their skulls
We eat bush meat and the sweet meats of men
Despite the turmoil in our souls, when pushed or pulled
And roles reverse perversely when we are hunted
And the meekest may grow fierce beyond belief
To find relief from the stranger that is fear, and still more.

Thursday, August 6

Acting the color of its name for once.

To survive.

At every moment madness
beckons, it bullies
its way into everything
I do in my life
the only way I fight
is to go out of my mind
every night
by any means possible
make everything ok
make past hurts all right
take my body off red alert
retreat from the moment
by staying in it, like
a musician keeping time
never thinking about
the past or the future
sometimes it's focusing
on nothingness
sometimes it's pills,
sometimes alcohol,
or bookish thrills
but mostly it's some fear
which breeds strength
inside another midbrain
and I evade collapsing
yet again, I don't know how,
I only know I must survive
and survival happens now.

Tuesday, August 4


In a story
the same story 
I endure every night
I was attacked last night
my adversary was there
the temptress was there
it could have been last night
it may have been centuries ago
for everything I know
was put on hold and I could
only use my senses
I know my hands felt bound
and I was clumsy
in the smallest aspect
profoundly defenseless.

life is suffering
that can only be overcome
by wisdom and compassion
that's what it is they drum
into us night and day
those people in red and orange
in my eyes, black and grey
I turn my face away, because
I'd rather suffer in silence
than to show all my weakness
in some compromise.

don't compromise!
someday it will all get better
and you will blossom
like the fragrant flowers
you gather on the bridge
and bring pride
to your dying father
stay with him, at his side
or you yourself will simply die
and restart the cycle of life
for the good of another.

Monday, August 3


On a cobweb afternoon in a room full of emptiness
By a freeway I confess I was lost in the pages
Of a book full of death
Reading I will die alone
And if we're good we'll lay to rest
Anywhere we want to go

In your house I long to be
Room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there like a stone
I'll wait for you there alone

On my deathbed I will pray to the gods and the angels
Like a pagan to anyone who will take me to heaven
To a place I recall
I was there so long ago
The sky was bruised, the wine was bled
And there you led me on

In your house I long to be
Room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there like a stone
I'll wait for you there alone

And on I read until the day was gone
And I sat in regret for all the things I've done
For all that I've blessed and all that I've wronged
In dreams until my death I will wander on

In your house I long to be
Room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there like a stone
I'll wait for you there alone

©2001 Chris Cornell

I cannot fathom... any one could say that Chris Cornell writes shit lyrics. Granted, it's a minority of people, nearly all vaunted "rock critics" - ordinary people tend to think he kicks ass, in my experience, except maybe for his last hip-hop flavored LP which was a bold but perhaps not brilliant move. Oh well, gotta him props for trying something new - dude's been making hard, dark rock for 25 years. Let him have some fun! I could listen to him sing all day, personally.

But the critics (and it's inevitably professional critics) who criticize his lyrics while at the same time going ga-ga over his voice... those people strike me as the same uber-lames who called 2Pac a charismatic figure but a "medicore rapper/writer." What?? That's taking someone's best feature and calling it rubbish. It's light saying Vermeer was a hell of a painter, but his use of light was suspect and amateurish.

In the world of grunge/alternative metal/whatever it has come to be called these days, it's not necessary to be intelligent or pay much attention to lyrics, and long as you can play your instrument and have a great music engineers to make you sound like the bee's knees, and a top-notch record label that will hype your mediocrity until it's on every radio station nonstop (not that I dislike Green Day, but see: Green Day). Or else you have to be so real and awesome musically and unique and composed of genius-quarks that people will canonize you despite your refusal to sell out (see Radiohead).

But Chris Cornell has always competed against groups who struggled even to write corny love songs, songs about alienation (always in a hackneyed way), drugs and drink, women, and so on, and he's had success against them... AND his lyrics have always had a strange, dark edge - a spiritual core - to them that most of his fans don't even notice, much less celebrate. Even he doesn't emphasize it. It must be because he's an intelligent, thoughtful, soulful person who wouldn't respect himself if he didn't put solid words to his songs that did them justice. The moshers won't care one was or another, but borderline hard-rock fans like me most certainly pay attention to that stuff - I could never like a straight up DUMB band. To prove my point, I chose one song by literally closing my eyes and pointing at the screen (full of Soundgarden/Audioslave/C.C. Solo songs) and haved reproduced the words here:


"Scar On The Sky"

As I fall I leave this scar upon the sky
A simple note for you, I'll wait for your reply
And in your answer I'll regain my will to try

So hover in the diving light
We will rip the night
Out of the arms of the sun one more time
Close your eyes and we will fly
Above the clouded sky
And over the dumbstruck world, we will run

In these hills they wash the golden grains away
To the valley under all of this I lay
And may you dig me out unearthed and saved

So hover in the diving light
We will rip the night
Out of the arms of the sun one more time
Close your eyes and we will fly
Above the clouded sky
And over the dumbstruck world, we will run

We can rip the night
Out of the arms of the sun...

A blood red feather leaves a scar upon my hand
No longer stranded like a painted bird on a fan

So hover in the diving light
We will rip the night
Out of the arms of the sun one more time
Close your eyes and we will fly
Above the clouded sky
And over the dumbstruck world, we will run

We can rip the night
Out of the arms of the sun.


Now, it's a bit mysterious what he's going on about here, but this is a FAR cry from something Ozzy or Metallica or Mudhoney or Foo Fighters would write. What it lacks in simple power or clarity it gains in riddles and replayability. Kinda like REM not in substance, but it abstract form. Strange turns of phrase... poetry... unexpected rhymes.

But the bottom line is really this: You may like Mr. Cornell, you may be indifferent, or his brand of music may not be your taste at all, and in any of these cases that's cool. But just don't ever say his writing is shit. I think I can objectively say it's NOT. For really bad lyrics, look up "nearly all 80s hair metal." Meantime, I'll be listening to my "Carry On" CD....

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