sadness.

there is a beast sprawled over me, pinning me,
i can't catch my breath. his name is sadness.
it's the kind of sadness that isn't wistful or poignant
it hurts and it feels like the end of the world
the crashing down of all things once pretty and delicate
a unexpected plunge into cold water. it's the kind
of sadness that begs you to cry but won't let you,
the kind that makes your chest ache and nothing
and nobody is important in the world before your eyes
anymore. the sadness that drains you like a spider.
the dead grief of loss coupled with the certainty,
as full and true as death, that what has happened
can never be undone. the beast who is sprawled
over me, he is nothing, i could defeat him in an hour.
if only i wanted to. if only i wanted to. if only...