Tuesday, November 24


Vicks, the company that makes NyQuil (for international readers, it's a type of cold medicine) has some sick sense of humor. The bottle I just bought says, "Tastes better than ever!" There are many things wrong with this proclamation on all sorts of different levels, but I'll list just two.

First, what do they mean "than ever"? NyQuil has always tasted like ass, which is why you only take it when you're REALLY sick, unlike say, Flintstones vitamins. This statement implies that it already had a good taste, which it most certainly did not.

Secondly, it's patently untrue! It tastes exactly the same. Like Listermint and licorice and a tiny bit of that radioactive stuff in DC comic books which makes superheroes like the Hulk what they are, all blended up well and bottled for our pleasure. To make matters even worse, they've taken practically all the alcohol out of the stuff so 12 year olds wouldn't steal it, so now you don't even get a buzz anymore as a payoff for your superhero courage imbibing the stuff.

Might as well stick to something in tablet form. After all, I checked the ingredients, and despite the claim in their commercials that it performs 700+ acts of comfort (ok, maybe less, but it's still portrayed a bit like Chinese medicine, a cure-all for anything afflicting you), all NyQuil is in the cold light of reality is an analgesic, a decongestant, and an antihistamine. Hell, you can get that stuff in Theraflu or any number of other products, most of which come in pill form. Why anyone would put themselves through actually taking NyQuil boggles the mind.

Maybe it's like a hairshirt worn by religious fanatics; "You're ain't supposed to enjoy being sick, boy! Take some of this here green orc grog and that will make you feel a bit better, plus learn you real good for having the cheek to get sick in the first place!" That's all I imagine keeps this stuff on the shelves - a lingering masochism in those made to feel guilty for being ill as they grew up.

* * *

After I wrote this and while looking for a picture of the bottle, I found this old Denis Leary routine about, yes, NyQuil: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KeKeylrOIE


Hans said...

warning: can cause hair to grow out your ears

billybytedoc said...

No more ethanol! There goes their business.

JOVIAN said...


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