Standards going downhill

God I'm self-absorbed. I think it's a natural consequence of isolating myself. I don't consciously try to focus on myself to the exclusion of all else. Well, I guess I do. I don't know. It's not that I enjoy my own company or think I'm worth a damn. Probably the opposite. I can never make up my mind how to be otherwise, and to see all the people running around the world living their lives and getting on, not crippled by fear, not frozen because they can't figure out why the first step of the 1,000 mile journey should be taken. I suppose I envy them at some level, certainly I don't understand them. I don't understand anyone or anything. I'm self-absorbed by default because my own head is the only thing I'm familiar with, and even most of that eludes me.