Structure

I feel best when I adhere to a routine, and the more time this goes on, the more confortable I become. It's my aversion to change. I'm very insecure and change is a threat. It makes me think, opens up the whole can of worms again and challenges me to understand and solve it all. On the positive side, existing within a structure - as long as it's one of my choosing and not forced on me - allows me to relax and let go of those neurotic obsessions for a time. I feel better about myself, more comfortable in my skin. If I eat and sleep better, if I exercise and brush my teeth every morning and shower and dress and get things done that need doing, I feel more invigorated and encouraged in general, and rather than crashing from exhaustion I tend to get a bit of a boost and pursue other activities that seemed too intimidating before. It doesn't solve any philosophical problems and it doesn't protect me from sudden intrusions of what's-it-all-mean, but in the meantime I can get off the couch and stop worrying and actually live a little.