Sandbox escape

I'm not who I want to be
I've spent the last ten years of my life doing nothing
Fearing everything
Chasing something I was meant to be
Instead of living
I made plans in a sandbox
Practiced feelings and made speeches
In preparation for the real thing
And every night when the wind came,
It blew away the pieces
And left me alone with my thoughts
For want of a legacy
I wrote grand tales upon the stars in the blackness
On the inside of my skull
Until my stomach was full and I couldn't stand
To ingest one more ounce of make-believe
To deceive myself any further
Moods ran the gamut in the space of an hour
While I dreamt of the heavens
Curled up on the floor
But everything must end
Phases, put to bed
I want to move out of the shadows now
Make some kind of life for myself
Find a friend at long, long last
Inside my head.