What St. Peter will say

"Let's see. You've denied the divinity of Jesus, the existence of God, and the sanctity of life. You've taken His name is vain and questioned the validity of his Word. You've actively sought to dissuade others from indoctrination into His teachings. Instead, you've espoused near-atheistic Eastern philosophies which empower the subcreation of Man with the authority to choose his own experience and destiny. You've clung to empiricism when everything surrounding you has shown that experience and the science built upon it cannot be trusted, because they lie subordinate to and are necessarily filtered by human psychological considerations. You've written off profound sensations arising from dreams and drugged states as meaningless in a spiritual sense, attributing them instead to the vagaries of neurology. You've made jokes about those who believe in God, about God Himself, and - in fact - about this very position you find yourself in today, your presentation at the Pearly Gates."

"On the other hand, you're very good at catching things falling unexpectedly when opening the fridge door."

"Ok... you're in."