The Human Back. By Justin Sias.

The human back sucks. It hurts whenever you do anything trivial, like give 3-year-olds horsey rides or move some boxes or furniture around, or think about diamonds. My back has been bad my whole adult life, to the point where I really should seek medical treatment - most likely physical therapy or something equally disappointing not involving strong opiates.

I know we weren't "designed" to walk upright due to our simian ancestry... Isn't that proof enough to these Intelligent Design idiots that we weren't created by some loving God? He designs this brilliantly intricate eye, brain, and so forth, then gives us a spine than hurts if we lift more than a couple doughnuts at one time. Hmm. That's an utterly convincing argument for God.

Anyway, my back hurts, and it hurts to the point where it makes me mad at other people and start to despise inefficient programming code and cellphones that don't get reception in the right places. And dogs. In other words, I'm like a kid eating about seven super-sours all at once and somehow one or two of those atrocious Japanese peas got in there by mistake. Just all around PISSED OFF.

That's the end of my story. I hope you've learned something about the human back. If you have any comments about physical therapy, etc., that's cool. Write them down in case you hurt your back and keep them somewhere safe. Me, I'm gonna go find some candy right now since I brought it up. I wish they made lemonheads with intense opioid centers. That would rule.

The end.