I don't understand this country.
How can someone be the victim of years of neglect and skepticism,
his ailments trivialized, spat upon,
and then when the police come there is no questioning
just an arrest made on the basis of being male?
No pictures, no questions, no attorney, no call.
Stupid small town hick police.
Roughed up for fun on the roundabout "way" to the station.
But I am oblivious to physical pain.
I want to know how someone can undergo psychological torture
year upon endless year and yet those attacks
upon a certified unhealthy person go unpunished?
How can two people be such heartlessly ignorant, selfish to the last?
Any flood would have taken them for sure.
How can I be blamed, feared, whatever,
when I never started anything, when all I ever wanted
was justice, the kind I was promised so many times
and never given, the kind they held like a carrot in front of my nose
until I walked off a cliff, deranged, victim of their ugly games.
Any sane man would lose his patience and his saintliness.
Either they are cruel or so ignorant it defies imagination.
These are the kind of people you explain something to
in simple language one hundred times, and nothing in them changes.
They just don't understand. They are etched into a printed circuit board.
All I've wanted is some kind of moderately happy ending
to the whole thing, not to be completely robbed of my dignity
or deprived of my rights. All I've ever given was love
and when that was rebuffed cruelly, I lashed out in hurt, finally.
These are two very bad people, without consciences.
I wish the hand of God had seen fit not to make them,
but then again, there is no God. They were genetic abnormalities
designed to harass and test my Darwinian fitness, and I failed,
Or at least just finally gave up; I can't take it anymore.
Life living with beasts like these isn't life at all.
I just want my things and my cat and want out. I tried.
All of my logic and kindness never made a dent on their skulls,
nor moved the brain matter within. It only caused them
to be randomly enraged and stick together even tighter
like monkeys growing irate and clinging to their parent/children,
rattling the bushes and howling and biting with plenty of passion
but not one bit of sense or understanding as to why they do what they do.
Mothering instincts, indefensible when I posed no threat, unforgiveable
when I only wanted a fair share and to be treated humanly again.
I hate dealing with robots. The outcome of every interaction is predetermined.
And women will always win, no matter how it plays out,
in the hearts and minds of people we once loved together, they are gone,
they have left me forever and sentenced me with their averted eyes.
And she will never repent for the wrong that she has done tonight.
And every night, what she thought was best was misguided
but she never let me tell her what I needed from her to make it better.
I have tried to find patience through all this, against two people,
and I have been the victim of their viciousness and soullessness so many times
it defies belief, but I will be once again be censured, which is a cruel joke.
I just want them to go away forever, I don't love them anymore, I'm sorry I ever did.
No, I'm not sorry. I just misplaced my trust in the wrong people.
It's obviously they never really loved me. Loving someone means you love them
when it's inconvenient. It's obvious there's a shrine they've built up to the glory
of each other, to female survival, to defend blood even in the face of unreason,
to act like savages. Or it's a simple case of nonsentient obedience to their genes,
which is about as robotic as you can get. Vacuous, stupid, hard to even label "life."
Forget higher philosophy here, judge, I am bitten black and they have the bruises of
fair-skinned people who bruise hitting others or who self-inflict, or who act without
minds behind their eyes, and law will continue to operate in the stone age ad infinitum
while the philosophers mumble volumes and accomplish nothing.