Head vs wall, part XXIV

So here I am coming back to life, clearing the fog away and all that. Slowly starting to reestablish a link with the past, get some perspective...and it's depressing. Real life is depressing.

Can life ever be more than fleeting pleasures? It certainly seems that it can be for many people. You meet people who seem deeply satisfied, fulfilled. Can it ever be that way for me? Why do I lack the discipline to make it happen? I seem to know many ways to make life richer, but I don't stick to doing them. Why is this so friggin' hard? Why are we set up as a species so that we enjoy ourselves most when we deny ourselves everything?