Thoughts in the key of brie

I was listening to myself talking today, and it struck me that I'm not always a very likeable person. I can be pretty negative and self-righteous. This falls under the heading of "not news" for people who know me, but it's not always so easy to see yourself the way others see you.

The world can be pretty depressing if you let it. Human nature undoubtedly hasn't changed much over the millennia, but that thin veneer of culture that is our outward impression to the rest of the world and to ourselves, that cultured, articulate, erudite voice of Ed Murrow (yes, I just saw the movie) or Franklin Roosevelt, has worn a bit thin and today's generation gets Larry King and George Bush. Instead of Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald we have Britney Spears and Kenny Chesney. Instead of glass and brass we have plastic.

But in the end the world goes on unabated and spares no thought for me. The times I feel better are when I'm able to release my talon grip, when I can stop stressing and obsessing. This seems to happen when I come into some money, exercise, or eat and take meds/vitamins consistently. In other words, when I'm feeling better about myself. It would be easy at this point to say it's all insecurity and self-hatred on my part, and how I secretly envy others and despise them because I can't be like them, and so on. To a certain extent that is probably true, but if I could press a button right now to trade places with most people, I wouldn't. I feel like I have something to offer that many people don't, and I do value that in myself. It's just that I wish I could be who I am but also be happier and less concerned with the totality of existence around me. That is what I'm working on now.