Web of communication

The Internet "community" presents its own series of emotional and logistical challenges. Let's say you set up a blog and people trickle in and pretty soon you've got a group of blog friends, any of whom may or may not know any of the others. They post on yours, you post on theirs, and so forth. It's the same model really as any social network, slowly expanding as you are introduced to friends-of-friends, and contracting here and there where you lose interest or there's a row of some sort.

But there are some differences: You can present whatever face you want to the Net community, whereas in person this is harder to do (especially for me, since I am terrible at hiding my true emotions). You begin to have specific types of interactions with certain people, like, with one blogger you share a love of photography, with another, you talk about dark music, and with a third, funny movies. In my need to feel like I'm being "real" and not just adopting the outwardness that I believe is expected of me in each situation, it can be a real challenge to go from post to post, person to person, blog to blog. It can be an emotional rollercoaster and it all happens much quicker than in other social circles, where you're not likely to traverse the entire spectrum in such a short period of time. I suppose "phone nets" are a similar phenomenon, although since I'm particularly averse to the phone I can't usefully comment there.

Next is the logistical aspect. How do you maintain all these online friendships and also have time for any kind of life off the computer? It's tricky. I hate feeling like I'm a computer addict, or just plugged into a machine where even friendships are virtual. Obviously the people I'm talking to are just as real as I am (they are, right?) but it still seems somewhat unhealthy to only connect to them through words and pictures. It's like being trapped on an island and only being able to have penpals by bottle. It's cool that you can say whatever you want, whenever you want, and if you're in your underwear nobody knows about it, but the reality is no one is gonna keep in touch with you unless you're punctual and your behavior is somewhat consistent. In that it's like any other type of friendship. Reading takes time though, and typing even more time, and things like uploading and commenting on pictures even more time still. Time, time, time.

And how do you make the transition from your online friends to your offline friends? It's like being part of several social circles at once, and having to tailor your communications to each group not out of fakeness, but simply out of necessity since members of one likely do not know members of another. These considerations are not at all new of course, with work and school and dating and drinking and hobby groups all having existed for eons. Having an online group of friends is just ONE MORE group added to the mix - one more time commitment.

And then there is IM. This really deserves a long post all its own, but I don't feel like doing that right now so I'll just say a few things about it. At first you think it's really cool because you can talk to people in real time, for free. Then you find yourself getting annoyed when someone you want to talk to is not logged on, but you yourself stay invisible because you don't want everyone contacting you all at once or, more precisely, at their convenience rather than yours. It's the phone problem again, magnified. And because you have different types of relationships with each of your contacts, it's hard or near-impossible at times to switch ad hoc from one to another and stay true to yourself. It's tempting to act more cheerful than you feel with a friend or love interest than you might be with a relative, who you may allow to see more of your true concerns, insecurities, irritations. So the temptation is to stay invisible (lurk) and make contact with the people who fit most closely how you're feeling at the time, or to whom you have something specific you want to say. Once everyone starts to do this, though, it becomes not much different from email, and loses much of its immediateness, indeed its purpose.

So where is the balance point between face to face, telephone, email, blog, and IM communications? Hell, I don't know. I just live here. I suppose the whole thing will ebb and flow and eventually find a balance that is the most convenient for everyone, as a whole and on average. Every technology that changes our lives - especially our social lives - goes through this kind of evolution. I think one thing that's clear is that the idea of communicating instantly with anyone at anytime is never going to be fully enabled, simply for the fact that we ourselves don't seem to want it. People like to take themselves out of the loop from time to time, or not speak to a certain person for whatever reason, and so I don't think it will ever be possible to just tap your lapel or think of someone's name and *bam* you'll have an instant open channel with them. Both parties have to want it, something that has probably been true since our species' beginnings and will probably be true for a long, long time to come.