I think I will devote myself to dharmic study, without medication, to find my true self. Down the road, if this leads to a new appreciation of and devotion to life, so be it. If it wins me back my wife and family, so be it. But it is the only alternative to drugs or self-deliverance I can see. I just want to be happy and make others happy. I'll say it a thousand times. I won't tolerate those who belittle me, steal from me, take me for a fool, but my revenge will not come in violence (again, AGAIN, I am not a violent person by my true nature), but in mere inattention to their unfortunate mindsets. I don't understand anything, so I am feeling good in that way. No one said the road to enlightenment couldn't be fun.