now

I live in the now. From moment to moment there I am. Or I live in a time that will never happen, a phastasmic world my irrascible dreaming creates. Completely impractical, both ways, both states. The recent past fades quickly, though I remember well the iconic, long-static past. The future that is likely to actually occur never occurs to me, and I am forever caught unanticipating, looking foolish. Foolishly rushing to keep up with demands put upon me which I don't enjoy.

I am still just a little boy living an adventure tale. All the interesting moments happen right now or in some never-to-be, imagined now. Either way I seem never interested in an actual past or future. If the real now is exciting or soothing, I experience it. If it becomes scary or painful, I shift away — run — transform it into the nicer world within my mind. But it's still 'now' in that world.

And along I drift, creating a timeline of a life that is both true and untrue, yet always unique and my own. I live like we all do - alone.