To survive.

At every moment madness
beckons, it bullies
its way into everything
I do in my life
the only way I fight
is to go out of my mind
every night
by any means possible
make everything ok
make past hurts all right
take my body off red alert
retreat from the moment
by staying in it, like
a musician keeping time
never thinking about
the past or the future
sometimes it's focusing
on nothingness
sometimes it's pills,
sometimes alcohol,
or bookish thrills
but mostly it's some fear
which breeds strength
inside another midbrain
and I evade collapsing
yet again, I don't know how,
I only know I must survive
and survival happens now.