The Dream, The Circle.

I just had the dream again about infinity, about not being able to wake up, because you just wake up into the dream. And the dream is horrible of course, it's room after room of conveyor belts where all your worst fears are carried out; you are turned into vats of brains, eyeballs, "mash" of soft parts, buckets of fluid, to be reconstituted in the most horrifying fashion int he next room, aware of it all: The creation of the "next" generation with mother's eyes and daddy's nose. There's no escaping or running or waking up (because you get the idea it might be a dream and try those things). You think, at last, I've blown in; I've reached an inescapable, forever hell. Any hope you get is crushed every time you reach a fork and are given a choice, because both choices are wrong, and it's a big circle like if inside each quark at the tiniest level was a big bang, and the ultimate fate of the vastest imaginable universe were contained within that tiny quark. Circular in time, circular in scale. No way out. I slept all night, then slept all day, 24 hours. [This post was written several days ago]. Finally my cat kept bugging me enough that as tired as I was and trapped mentally as though I were on LSD again, I lurched awake and got out of bed and fed him and turned on the lights and typed this, and even now I'm wondering if I'm really "out". I could still be in the dream. And of course there's a bigger way I could not be Out, it's called life, I wake up each day and here I am again; Groundhog day except things don't repeat. But maybe LIFE repeats, after you die. The hellish endless wheel of reincarnation. Something I've feared all my life. So you choose a religion or belief system where there is no earthly reincarnation, but then you have eternal heaven or hell. What's the difference? It's still eternal consciousness, still being trapped with no escape. I think either you learn to lie perfectly still both physically and mentally and that is how you "escape" virtually - you stop your mind from inventing all this stuff around you and escape the illusion of time completely; you attain enlightenment. Or you believe that consciousness is a material function of the brain and that when you die, that's IT - you are gone, forever, and consciousness is broken. I hope that is true. I don't remember anything before I was born, so it's not like I have a memory of endless hells behind me. If memory of eternity is the true fear - after all memory is really life, isn't it? If you don't remember it, then who cares whether it happened or not? (if that question, like the falling tree with no witnesses, even has any meaning - if MEMORY of eternity is the true fear, then maybe brain death/Alzheimer's or true mental no-mind all break that sensation and create the bliss of nothingness. That is the only escape - the way Out is In, or is to cease physically, to a materialist. I don't know what's True if there is such a thing, but I think if you can learn to discipline your mind to resist panic and accept every situation for what it is and not fear anything, then you can reduce your memory to nothing, and that is like dying out of the endless dream. But fear remains close, like an unripe fruit waiting for its moment, and you must stay vigilant by practicing. Unless you're dead I guess.