New relationships.

Relationships are incredibly complex. This will come as a surprise to no one, but still astounds me from time to time so I like to reiterate the fact to remind myself, if for no other reason. In a relationship between two people, it is extremely exciting, nerve-wracking, and ultimately fulfilling to participate in advancing the relationship from stage to stage (this discussion may sound a bit clinical but I think it's important to occasionally look objectively at where your emotions are carrying you, not that you have to use a sociologist's language with each other).

At first maybe there is flirtiness, gentle teasing, one-upsmanship, sudden sincerity, shyness, inquisititiveness. Eventually as you get to know each other better, and assuming this brings you closer together rather than fizzles the whole enterprise, you get more relaxed, allow yourself to be seen as more vulnerable, and tell stories with less archetype and more literal truth. It is still a period of intense questioning, but much lessened posturing. There is more genuine laughter, and more willingness to disagree goodnaturedly. Finally, if things go well, you grow into a most satisfying phase, which is where you know each other well enough not to even have to ask many common things, can ancticipate moods or expectations, and develop a true gentleness and kindness toward one another, not so you can look like a good person but because you automatically react to protect him or her. This is the time of pillowtalk, letting silence linger without becoming uncomfortable, holding hands on long walks and not thinking ahead, just enjoying each other's presense. You don't need to be entertained; it is enough to simply spend time together.

The final phases of true friendship and even "oneness" or "soul-bonding" are something many people never experience, and I don't feel qualified myself to talk about them here. I've felt them come and go. Presently for myself, it has been exciting and then increasingly more mellowly rewarding to progress through these early stages and reach the point I am at with my current female friend. It is always important to never take anything for granted. It is always fundamental to put everything you have into the relationship, to communicate and work through or around obstacles, to develop trust. At what point can it be labeled "love?" That is a question for the poet, not the sociologist. I know on which side of that fence my own heart lies at the moment, though not exactly why. If love was explanable the way thermodynamics is explanable, what fun would that be?