Options.

At this point, realistically, I could...

• Stay a recluse, refining my lyrics, guitar playing, and photography
• Kill myself and just be done with it for god's sake
• Work hard to overcome my difficulties and hope the new me is more satisfying than the old one
• Join a Zen monestary and practice zazen for rest of my natural days

I have 4-sided die around here somewhere...

I won't join a home for the disabled. I won't be tortured by woman my whole life. I cannot deal with things I could swear were real but which I am later convinced were not. I can't deal with the big fast world at large, with the corporate world. I'm dead to that world now.