There's a tightness in my chest. My heart hurts. Breath is short and fluttering. My veins feel warm all over. I feel nauseated. There's a glint in my eye that's all gone now. Panic.

Happiness and control: How much is enough? How much is too much? These are things that seem better the more we have, but at some point it backfires. It's a conflict of interest for people to control these sliders for themselves. Knowing where to stop can seem impossible. Wanting to be more and more happy leads to drug abuse - hedonism and ecstasy are much more potent short-term than more subtle forms of joy like satisfaction. And control (power) leads to abuse that destroys the challenge/difficulties/balance of life. Allow someone to cheat in a videogame, and the game stops being fun. You can delete a tough boss or give yourself a million gold to buy whatever you want in the shops. Now give people the same power in life and it takes the fun out of that game too. Power does not confer happiness.

I realize much of what I say may have no meaning to you because you are on a different wavelength of experience. That's ok. It may all come from a place that is darkly colored by bad experience and the chemically poor soil of the old country, as it were. So what?