So you're in a panic?

The first thing to do is stop panicking. This sounds stupid but when you're in a panic, you're filled with notions that you're going to die, or that your life is unmanageable, a disaster; that the panic is how you should "truly" feel, away from all the medications and the pep talk and the wishing, this is reality. That's nonsense, reality is just what you make of it, how you perceive it. To you it is. So get out of your panic by any means you have to. If you have medication, take it. If you're out, get a refill. If you can't get an immediate refill, go to an emergency room. Yes, even though it's just panic. People do rash things when they're like this. Your heart hurts and you can't breathe. You feel shivery all over. You don't know if you're going to vomit or explode or seep out through your pores in a cold sweat, and everything seems too dark and too empty. There is no where to go where you will feel better, you think. Nowhere where someone will hold you, will tell you it's going to be alright. Who will love you unconditionally right then, who'll understand. Not give advice, just hold you. And before you lies the wasteland of the future - everything is going wrong and will continue to go wrong. Your life is a wreck. Even if it is, especially if it is, you need out of the spiral of panic before you can even take the first step toward turning things around. Maybe you can tell I'm in that that spiral now and I'm fighting. Just fighting, just telling myself what I already know and going over the same body scans and breathing that I learned even though it's not yet helping. I've take a couple pills and I'm waiting, but I'm also fighting back. I know parts of my life, maybe even the whole thing, is a disaster. But I'm only 34 and I have lots of years ahead of me if I don't throw them away. And I don't want to live the way I've lived my adult life. I have learned some coping skills and I am better at dealing with the worst of things on my own if I have to, although it sucks like hell. I'm working on putting one foot in front of the other. I'm trying to get up off the mat and get my feet under me, get some traction to move forward, all those cliches. Trying not to be physically sick right now, though waves of nausea wash over me. I will try to get more organized, try to simplify my life by not waiting to put out fires but putting something of myself into each day, against the grain of what feels easier. I will begin to build up some energy again, to get healthier. Put one foot in front of the other and see where it leads. What I will not do is give in to this feeling and scream, at the very top of my lungs, and burst into a million things. Shaking, crying. I am breathing now and my fingers flying. Now slowing down a little. Everything ends, even this. Panic attacks go away. They always have before. I'm not alone. It's late and I'm scared, but there are a couple people in the world who know me and love me. That is better off that some people have it. Sometimes you have to focus on the positive even when the negative wants to answer every thought with "yeah, but.." Just focus on the positive, or on a point, and breathe, relax each muscle. Find your way out of the panic and then you can deal with those other things. You've got lots of time, you don't need to start right this second. Deal with NOW now. The first thing you need to do is stop being afraid. It will be ok.