FOOD, yo.

Most people seem to believe there are only five food groups. They got this notion way back in grammar school from someone called a "health" teacher who would go around to all the classes once a week to teach "health." No one is really sure what qualifications these people had, and what subjects "Health" actually covered. But one thing I do remember is they would stress the 'five basic food groups.'

Today with our sophisticated technology we actually know there are not five but TEN food groups, at least. They are as follows:

The "Queso Casero" food group
The "Brie" food group, which includes several subgroups
The "Guinness" food group
The "Bombay Sapphire" food group
The "Grey Goose" food group
The "Haagen Dazs Butter Pecan" food group
The "Coca Cola Classic" food group
The "Carl Buddig Lunch Meats" food group
The "Pizza" food group
The "Corn Nuts Original Flavor" food group

The next USDA meeting on the subject is scheduled for 2010. Applicants seeking "food" status include:

"Smartfood White Cheddar Popcorn"
"Hot pastrami on rye"
"Olives"

I personally hope all three of these gain official recognition, as they contain among them rich sources of fiber, protein, and monounsaturated fats. We'll see what happens! I'm going to submit suggestions for "mayo" and "Jack in the Box tacos" as well, as soon as I can get around to it.

What food groups would YOU add?