Sunday, May 6

Untitled

In the end it's about forgiveness
Forgiving yourself and others
No one wants to go first
They say, I'll forgive him when he forgives me
I'll apologize when I get an apology
So resentment builds all over
And everybody loses
I have been living my life this way
With an anger and unwillingness to forgive inside
And an unwillingness to apologize without guarantee
That it will be matched and we can meet half way
No way to ensure I don't lose face
I'm afraid of hurt and rebuttal and so
I hedge my bets, and stay afraid.
BUT I let them go now. If only for now.
We'll see about tomorrow when that day arrives
I forgive everyone who has hurt me
I apologize to everyone I've hurt
I've made decisions good and bad
And I take full responsibility for the bad
And for how I am doing and where I'm at
No one was assigned responsibility for that
No one was given the task of caring for me
When they've got their own struggle to attend to
When I've been selfish or indifferent I've been wrong
And I am truly sorry, it hurts a little every
Moment I have to live with it, and they all stack up
Like tiny stones collected into a huge burlap bag
And I'm tired of carrying around so much weight
That my knees are literally buckling
So I will forgive and apologize with no
Expectation of the same in return
From anyone. This is my stone to carry out
And cast into the sea;
Whether or not I'm attached to it, though
We'll have to wait and see.

3 comments:

Hans said...

wow, wow, & wow and good poem too.

I know this is sincere because I know you. I want more than anything for you to throw that sack into the sea by itself. Besides giving forgiveness and apologies, which I know can be very difficult to do sometimes, you have given a gift to yourself today. You are weightless in my mind. We don't always feel the same like you said, if only for today....but if you can feel this way even once, you've accomplished a lot. Everyone has their sacks of stones...not everyone will admit it. I admire you.

JOVIAN said...

if only these things could be cast off for good. i guess that's what meditation and such is all about - slowly untying the knot that has us attached to our cement blocks. ah, to just have a zen-like epiphany and skip all the hard work...

Metamatician said...

Yeah, that's what I'm waiting for.

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